


hard to breathe (but that’s alright)

by SuchCringeJay



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, NCT 2019, Sorta sad, jungwoo mean babie but is sad too, yukhei - Freeform, yukhei is babie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21881365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchCringeJay/pseuds/SuchCringeJay
Summary: in where jungwoo hurts lucas and lucas never recovers from it and suffers from anxiety and depression and barely goes out, and the first time he does go out again he runs into jungwoo
Relationships: Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Kudos: 8





	hard to breathe (but that’s alright)

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in an hour and edited for months (jk i totally forgot this existed and for months i forgot to edit it but that’s okay i get an A for effort but there is no A in effort conspiracy theory? i think not anyways enjoy!!

_"you're absolutely horrible wong yukhei! it's ridiculous how you think i'm actually going to put up with you, it's ridiculous enough that i'm even dating you, do you know how pathetic you are?" jungwoo had been looking through yukheis stuff and found out yukhei had been making friends with the cheerleaders. YUKHEI WAS A CHEERLEADER. yet jungwoo couldn't see that._

_"yukhei, when we started dating i expected you to respect me and love me and now you're acting as if i'm nothing? you're a sick fuck yukhei! you know that?" jungwoo went up to yukhei and slapped him. "we're done yuks, i cant do this anymore. you don't care about me and you never will." jungwoo shouted._

_"but i love you" yukhei managed to squeak out. "no you don't! that's the point! you're pathetic! you're nothing, and you will always be a nobody, and no matter what ANYONE says, you will always be a scumbag." and just like that jungwoo storms out. yukhei didn't know what to do, he loved jungwoo so, so much, but did jungwoo ever love him back?_

_yes, he did! he always did! right? jungwoo will come back and he'll be super duper happy! he'll come back and be sorry for his outburst like he always does! he'll come back! yukhei just had to wait!_

_yukhei waited hours, he looked at his watch every five minutes. he counted the seconds, which turned into minutes, which then turned into hours and those hours turned into days. every time he heard a knock on the door he rushed to it, in hopes of seeing jungwoo, but the more he waited the sadder he got. he realized jungwoo never wanted him._

_yukhei had friends, of course! but no matter how hard they tried they couldn't pry anything out of yukhei, they couldn't get him to go out and socialize. yukhei lost touch with the world and only keeps up with what's happening by watching the news, which isn't a great source of entertainment. his best friend mark even tried giving him a puppy, but that didn't work out so well._

_yukhei wanted jungwoo and that's all he needed. right? right. and jungwoo could come back at any second! even if it had been weeks! jungwoo would come back and cuddle yukhei and tell him everything is alright and that he'll never leave yukhei again. and kiss his forehead and sing to him every day and tell him that everything will be okay!_

it hurt, for what seemed like a forever thing it hurt. it had been about three years since he had gone out to face the world. he quit normal high school and went to an online high school which made everything easier for him, his friends got closer to him, and some left so currently all he has is kun, sicheng, mark, and johnny. and as much as they loved yukhei they hated seeing him this way.

they hated the way he would get anxiety attacks every time the doorbell rang, or someone knocked on the door. he would hide every time anyone one of his friends had someone over. he would only cry because none of them were jungwoo and that hurt. soon his anxiety and depression were all he had. his friends stopped worrying about him, and his roommates, johnny, kun, mark, and sicheng, as stated before, stopped trying to make the effort of getting yukhei to go outside because their efforts were always fruitless.

which is why kun came home to see a stressed yukhei pacing back and forth.

"yukhei? dinner won't be ready for a few hours, are you okay? you usually never come out until dinner time." yukhei looked up at kun and sighed. he couldn't help but think about everything he had done in the last three years, all he did was build up his anxiety which caused his depression and he wasn't ready ready to face the outside world.

"i want to go for a walk, a nice walk..!" yukhei paused and looked at kun. "but i'm afraid i'll run into him kunnie! what if he's there and he hurts me! i'm afraid kun, so afraid and i don't want to face him because he caused this and-and-" kun cut yukhei off.

"slow down yuk, there is nothing i can do if you don't slow down, your mind is running so fast and it shouldn't.." kun grabs yukheis arm and sits him down. "remember when i first started dating sicheng? and how i was too shy to do anything?" yukhei nods.

"well, all you need is a little confidence. do you see where my confidence got me?" yukhei nods and smiles. "go and explore yukhei, you deserve some fresh air!" yukhei nods and goes to grab his coat, and runs out the door. but not before turning to kun.

"thank you gege, you're such an amazing friend" and with that yukhei runs out of the apartment complex. as soon as he got outside he took a deep breath. he let out a small breath and giggles when he saw that the air was so cold that he could see his breath. it was then yukhei realized he didn't need anyone to be happy. he just needed close friends and himself.

yukhei smiles and continues his walk. his let's out a happy sigh every now and then, happy he got to finally find the courage to come outside. he enjoyed being out, cause for the first time in three years he felt free. he felt amazing, and nothing could make him sad, except for-

"watch where you're goin- yukhei?" yukhei stopped as he heard the familiar voice. a voice he hadn't heard in awhile. it was the voice he had been waiting for, the voice he always loved. jungwoo's.

"yukhei, it's been awhile, i haven't seen you around town, at all." yukhei looked down at his hands and turned around. he was finally going to face him and he was going to do it and be confident, just like how kun said, confidence is key.

"that's because i never left my apartment for three years, i had been waiting for you the first two years but soon gave up and lost all hope, i still remember every single word you said to me that day, and i remember how you walked out and left me sitting there thinking you would come back! you never did come back jungwoo, and that hurt the most!" jungwoo stood there in silence.

"so what? now you have no words for a scumbag like me?" yukhei was fuming.

"you left me with major anxiety and horrible depression, i GAVE UP my cheering career because YOU chose to leave me and HUMILIATE ME in front of tons of people! i gave up every dream i had to be with you and to make sure you had a social record and a level of superiority. i made sure you were happy every damn second of the day! but you were never happy with me! you never loved me!" yukhei day on the nearest bench.

"but i love you, and fuck no matter what i still do. i thought you were the one jungwoo, i thought everything would be okay after you left, i wish i wasn't so pathetic! i was a lousy boyfriend, a horrible person and you even think so too. i tried my hardest for you but no matter what it was never enough." yukhei looked over at jungwoo who stood there with his head down.

"yukhei, i did love you.. i.. i thought you were the one too.." jungwoo sighs a moves his hair from his face. "yukhei, i wanted you to hate me, i needed you to hate me, i was such a horrible boyfriend to you, i needed sometimes to blame so you could hate me, i was horrible, i am horrible.." yukhei looked down at his hands.

"that day my dad found out about you, yukhei, and i couldn't risk you getting hurt, you are my light, my baby, my everything, and i said horrible things to you because i didn't know what i was doing and i hadn't told you about my parents.." jungwoo sat next to yukhei.

"it wasn't because i hated you, because you were never the problem. i just, i wanted you to hate me so i could live life without any complications, but all i ever thought about was you! and it hurt so bad when i said all those words, it hurt so so bad..." jungwoo put his hand on top of yukheis.

"i hope you can forgive me for being such a terrible boyfriend and just for even coming into your life and hurting you, so i understand if you don't want me to be in your life but-" jungwoo was cut off by yukhei. he couldn't take it, jungwoo just looked so pretty and so amazing that he couldn't help himself.

"wh-what was that for yuks?" jungwoo looked at yukhei curiously. "it means i want you back, but this time no secrets." jungwoo smiles. "does this mean i can cuddle you again?" jungwoo smiles, he looks at yukhei waiting for an answer.

"of course"

**Author's Note:**

> this is not my best work, but life has been kicking my ass so this is what i’ve gotten for you guys so far, no matter what please don’t yell at me bc i will cry
> 
> twitter: skzmars


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